I didn’t even know the world had burned down over the weekend until Monday morning.
I didn’t know because I didn’t look at Twitter most of the weekend; and I didn’t look at Twitter because I was busy fondling my clothing.
You read that right.
For clarification, the world burns down every weekend according to Twitter, I just chose not to watch this time.
As far as the clothes fondling, it’s not near as nefarious as it sounds and a good bit less interesting than coming up with the perfect 140 characters to address the recurring issue of burning down of the world.
But, to be more useful in this life, I spent the weekend cleaning out my closet.
No, my closet is not that big. It’s that messy, or I should say, it was. And if I know me – and I do – it will be again.
This past weekend is what I call my semi-annual pilgrimage to my personal Wizard of Oz, a glimpse of the Mecca of an organized life.
Midway through the pilgrimmage, I had the bright idea that I could probably fold my t-shirts and stretch pants (home team uniform) in a neater manner than my patented cram-them-in-there-and sort-it-out-later method.
My previous method, defined
I turned to YouTube for advice on this uncomfortable thought.
YouTube is where people like me go to find out about such foreign concepts and it took me to Japan where I met a woman named Marie Kondo who according to YouTube, revolutionized clothes folding.
Thereafter, I spent two and a half hours, “smoothing the fabric, communicating my affection and gratitude to my clothes (this is very important according to the video), fondling my shirts and generally feeling creepy.
My t-shirts were felt, thanked and folded with a love that can apparently only be found in Japan. I like to think I will continue this method, but history tells me this is the only love my folded shirts will feel all season. I hope they enjoyed it, a lot.
In fact, I have a date with my favorite vintage Nike t-shirt (c. 1980) this weekend because we talked and decided to try again.
I saved the shirt folding for last, because having known myself my entire life, I knew I would need a good, stiff drink after all that human-fabric emotional entanglement. Also, Adele was heavy on the playlist that got me through it, so I toasted her as I leaned back against the shelf of properly-thanked and folded shirts.
Then, I tweeted a picture of how I cleaned up my world.