Pop A Top, again

I’m very excited because, according to the deep research (i.e. one Wikipedia article, a fabulous article in Western Digs, listening to iTunes, and a stroll down memory lane) I conducted this week, Gordon Lake in Iowa Park, Texas, has a shot at being eligible for protection under state and federal laws.

Why? Beer tabs.

Specifically pull rings from beer cans that were manufactured between 1965 and 1975.

This exciting news began with lunch at the lake, as it sometimes does.

About once a week I spend my lunch hour at Gordon Lake. Some days I eat in my car – a pimento cheese sandwich from K&K Foods or egg rolls from Scobee’s – whatever covers my food groups. Sometimes I walk along the shore.

Last week, I made my way down to the shore and found, in rapid succession, two aluminum pull tabs on the dry shoreline, but where water certainly used to be. To say I was excited was an understatement.

I envisioned a couple of old fishermen sitting on the shore in the 60’s, smelling of stink bait and exchanging fish tales with raucous laughter and a couple of cold ones.

So these things are possibly 50 years old, and they’ve been hanging out lakeside just waiting to be found.

Still covered in dirt, I took these pictures of the aluminum ring pulls next to the closest thing I could find, for scale.  Here ya’ go. 

They stopped making ring pulls in the mid-seventies because of two things: 1) Litter, and,  2) People who put them back in the can before they drank were choking on them. The pop-top industry evolved to something we recognize today.

They were highly popularized in 1967 by the Jim Ed Brown hit “Pop a Top”, followed by the lesser known but equally emotional song, “I almost cut off my middle finger opening Daddy’s beer”, written by me in 1974.

The article I read in Western Digs said those beer pull tabs are now considered historic-era artifacts, “a designation that bestows new significance on the old aluminum cans and their distinctive tabs that are still found across the country.”

“Once an artifact attains the 50-year threshold, it is eligible to be recorded as an archaeological site or an isolated find in most states,” said William Schroeder, an archaeologist with the firm Reiss-Landreau Research in Yakima, Washington.

“This means that even beverage-can pull tabs are eligible for protection under state and federal laws.”

I don’t know if I should read that and respond, “WOO-HOO!”, or check to see if I’ve broken the law by leaving the shore with those beer tabs.

There you have it. Alert the media. Iowa Park is possibly eligible for state and federal protection  because, beer tabs.

Share Button

Valentine Scandal – REVEALED! You won’t believe it

Oh, boy.

Less than two weeks after Valentine’s Day (AKA Singles Awareness Day), this landmine explodes.

Actually, it already exploded because it is what it is, but the thing is I just now found it.

I’m sharing what I found so that all of you who refer to this holiday as Singles Awareness Day will know that there is way more than meets the eye here.

Specifically, Saint Val was a virtual Jack of all trades.

Wikipedia and watching Drunk History on Comedy Central are two of my passions in life and my go-to sources for weird information. Wikipedia is where I got my information here, and the plug for Drunk History was a free one because it really is just that good.

Before you get in too deep, if you are looking for information about the Valentine’s Day Massacre, you are in the wrong place.

This is a happy piece except for the part about the plague, but it’s pretty short.

I’ve always thought St. Valentine was a man, and apparently a saintly one,  who has a holiday named after him reserved for love and only love, so help you God. Or, reserved for loneliness. Seriously, those were the choices.

Not so. Grab your nearest beekeeper and hold onto your panties because your universe is about to turn up. side. down.

Although not much reliable information is known about St. Valentine, who died in 226 BC, what is known can be found on Wikipedia.

Stone tablets were expensive and heavy, so I get why journalists of the day were conservative with their resources.

Valentine died February 14, 226 BC to be exact, which begs the questions –  are we celebrating his death, and why? I never really got the answers to those questions, but St. Valentine is so much more than meets the eye. He was a busy, and probably fairly depressed guy.

The events that led up to and caused his death are gruesome, and confusing to me. But, since this is going to be a fun story I’m going to begin on his first day on the job (which was sadly the day he died) and leave it at that. It’s depressing enough, don’t you think?

Turns out the selfish person in me always thought St. Valentine laser-focused in on love, since he hired a naked baby to bow-hunt the lonely.

I just assumed he was a one-issue guy.

Turns out the little guy isn’t only in charge of love,  the cheating cheater is also overseeing beekeeping, fainting, the plague and a few other things.

I learned this on Pinterest, which is almost as reliable as most independent internet news, so I checked it on the internet. Whatever, this is probably true.

I don’t know what gifts are appropriate in the event of bee attacks or the plague, but it is news to know.

I predict the existence of a Saint for the heartbreak of gingivitis (Saint Dentalis) and also one for the people who blew their big chance during an America’s Got Talent  audition (Saint X).

Anywho, if you don’t have a significant other and Valentine’s Day depresses you, you could have been St. Valentine. It actually killed him. Also, you could be one of the other people he is a saint over. Either way, things could be worse.

I heard of this from St. Perspective. He is the patron saint of  things that actually could be worse, and also moonlights as the patron saint of every little thing is going to be ok.

Share Button