May the pours be with you

I spent the last week doing what a lot of people around here have been enjoying lately – having an extended and unplanned out-of-body experience.

Nope, we aren’t new age freaks, we’re just in the epi-center of an epidemic of flu, strep throat, or a mutant form of viral cold, and any combination thereof.

I, thank the Dude, fell into the latter category so I could move around and stuff but I couldn’t feel myself doing it.

Except for the water boarding, which I’ll get to later.  I could feel that.

Ever-thankful I have so far escaped the flu (knock on all wood, forever), this thing I’ve had carries it’s own set of rituals.

First, sleep. So much sleep. For a few days, I was averaging about 14 hours of relative unconciousness.

Second, self-inflicted water boarding which is the antithesis of sleep, but necessary in exorcizing  the demons. Each day I would do this to myself by way of something you can legally purchase at a drug store called a Neti Pot.

I call it a snot genie, but whatever.

It flushes out anything within a 6-inch radius of your nose that may be harboring snot, but not before it takes you on an epic journey right up to the brink of death by self-drowning.

Seriously, you haven’t lived until you watched yourself do this in a bathroom mirror, my only survival technique was to pant like a dog. Again, this was the only time last week I was consciously in my body and it isn’t a pleasant memory.

Third, I poured. A lot.

I poured saline water into the snot genie, then into my face.

I poured cough medicine with codeine down my throat.

I poured a few cups of NyQuil and learned to love it.

I poured a shot of Crown. Maybe more, who was counting?

Each time I poured, I quickly toasted to the quick return of health to all the people with the flu and strep, and for those who have avoided it,  because I knew if I didn’t hurry I would soon be unconscious.

But if you do get this stuff, may the pours be with you.

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3 thoughts on “May the pours be with you

  1. Oh poor Kari. Hope you are well now and if not soon. I have escaped ALL forms of cold & flu virus’ to date but alas found myself in a doctors office yesterday (not one where sickness usually visits… it was a Neurology office) but I was fearful of every breath of all other humans there! I have begun my 6 day countdown for the gestation period for the germ to have taken hold… I googled it when I got home. I’d never heard of said “snot pot” until my son married and have still never used one. Here’s to a GREAT BUG hope that I’m not soon going to be buying one & learning to use it. I’m too old for new tricks. But I like the idea of mixing copious amounts of Crown & NyQuil. That Rx should get you through most any ailment, I’d think….could maybe even work for a heartbreak when your body wasn’t giving you that natural 14-17 hour sleep cycle for recovery. You might have a marketable program on your hands Kari. Package it together with one of your favorite 3-4 day getaway locales and I think you could sell this little short term Recover your Whatever Program. I volunteer to be your aid! When you are fully recovered from the ‘stuff’ & ready to tackle the world again. ?

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