I wouldn’t cook this again for all the sprouts in Brussels

We are about to go on yet another culinary journey, so strap in and grab the air freshener.

This week for  the first time in my entire life, I cooked Brussels sprouts, and I did it on purpose.

I’ll spare you all the gory details on the history of my now-irreparable relationship with the nasty vegetable, but I will admit it is one of the two vegetables that made me involuntary gag as a tender babe. It was also a vegetable that even our dog wouldn’t eat for me.

I accidentally ate a good one a few years ago in Boston, then saw on Facebook recently where a friend from high school was “obsessed” with balsamic vinegar Brussels sprouts.

That got me to thinking that little Kari’s tastebuds may have changed. I never even thought about my smeller.

Last week, I bought fresh Brussel sprouts and in a grown-up move, used them for something besides heads of lettuce for my Barbie’s fancy dinner parties in her condo.

I oven-roasted them instead, which made the inside of my house smell like it was permanently downwind from the porta-johns at a chili cookoff.

The after party

Suffice it to say I was not the most popular person in our household of two people.

The smell was so bad, I formulated an emergency plan to remove them from the oven and quickly dump them in to the balsamic vinegar and honey blend to contain the damage.

But the genie was not going back into the bottle.

When the timer went off I rushed over and opened the oven door too fast, which fogged up my glasses with hot stench. I tripped running the cast iron skillet to the bowl and scared the dog who mistakenly thought she was at a chili-cookoff.

The entire time, my husband kept asking, “You didn’t know? You really didn’t know?” Like I had pulled the ultimate practical joke on him at the expense of my own physical well-being.

The Brussels sprouts were actually pretty good, and would have been better had I eaten them in a wind tunnel lined with Glade Plug-Ins.

I know you were wondering.

Pro tip for Brussels sprouts: There isn’t enough Lysol in the world. Or less dramatically, there is, but it takes 3 hours and 48 minutes of focused and well-timed work to make it happen.

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4 thoughts on “I wouldn’t cook this again for all the sprouts in Brussels

  1. I can hardly write my comment for the tears of laughter blocking my eyesight! I have just one question… if you eat ALL vegetables but two,why don’t you call yourself successfull and healthy and preserve your cooking skills, relationships and everything else for all those other wondrous things you already do so well.

    Who cares about those two ‘stinking’ veggies when there are so many others to enjoy.

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